Degeneres’ dog is safe (away from her)

 

Ellen shoud never own animals. Not even hermit crabs.

The dispute over Ellen Degeneres’ estranged dog, Iggy, is finally over. After Ellen gave the dog away to her hair dresser and 12 year old daughter, the animal adoption agency has striped the dog from them and placed it into another home. When asked for a comment on why they would object to Ellen’s choice of placement for her former dog, the animal shelter replied, “We felt that Iggy was in peril in the hands of lesbians and the friends of lesbians. Lesbians are known for being an aggressive breed, so we did what we had to do.”

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Read more about animal abuse: Paris Hilton loves wildlife

J. Lo’s “Brave” album tanks

America realizes she can’t sing

Maybe it was the time away from the limelight, maybe it was her Star Trek themed album cover, or maybe it was just her voice. But the Jennifer Lopez of the past is now officially just that. Her new album Brave won’t even debut in the top 10 when the numbers are released later this week. Even her Spanish language album debuted higher than Brave. So it’s official, J. Lo is no longer the out of sight starlet we once knew. Perhaps she can be a wedding planner or a maid in Manhattan because Selena is for sure rolling over in her grave. Clearly everyone’s had enough. Even Sir Mix A Lot’s anaconda don’t want none despite her buns… hun.

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Now read about J. Lo’s babies. Maybe they’ll be able to sing.

Paris Hilton’s New Show: “The Philanthropist”

She has much to offer starving children

In November, Paris Hilton will be leaving the country.  But don’t get your celebrity-obsessed panties in a wad just yet, the camera crews are following her around.  Again.  Paris tells the press that she is a new woman after her life changing stint in jail and wants to give back by spending time in Rwanda.  The reality show chronicling her journey through Africa is tentatively titled “The Philanthropist.”  In other news, God is laughing from on high.

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Read more about irony:  Girls Gone Wild is sexist