Kid Rock arrested for loving Waffle House

Kid Rock is a beautiful man. 

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Kid Rock (aka Bob Richie) was arrested at the Waffle House for a run in with another Waffle enthusiast.  After a brief scuffle, Rock and his entourage left the scene.  Police pulled over the tour bus and arrested Rock and members of his crew.  Ironically, they only wanted to talk to the singer but ended up arresting him for not cooperating with authorities when he informed them he had just finished a sold out show.  “He is clearly a liar.  A mangy-looking liar.  There’s no way in hell Kid Rock could have a sold out show these days.  So we cuffed him,” said the arresting officer.

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Rowling says Harry Potter’s Dumbledore is gay (and not like happy gay)

 

Her readers were shocked. Can wizards be gay?

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J.K. Rowling has let loose one of the biggest secrets in literary history: Dumbledore is gay. Amidst the gasps (and even applause), Rowling seemed surprised herself. “You all didn’t know? I thought I made it quite clear,” she told the group of loyal readers. She then grabbed a copy of the latest Harry Potter book, flipped to the middle, and said, “You’re telling me, when Dumbledore says, ‘Harry, young wizards are naturally curious. If it’s all right with you, I’d like for you to ride my old quidditch broom. It’s not what it used to be, but it can still get the job done. Now unzip my pants,’ that you all didn’t know what I was talking about?!”

 

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Copperfield investigation, arrest and child porn?

These two girls were not to his taste, so he used his sorcery against them.

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Authorities are investigating David Copperfield for sexual misconduct. No one will verify that these charges are just a masked term for child molestation, but many have already jumped to that conclusion. An anonymous source tells us that Copperfield used his cunning magician skills to entice children to come with him to his Las Vegas warehouse where he would captivate them with his magic and his flying. Lights Camera Caption has learned from the source that Copperfield will secretly undergo surgery to alter his appearance and escape the country before any child molestation or pornography charges can be made. See below the doctor’s sketch for Copperfield’s facial augmentation:

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Winehouse busted for drugs, world shocked to its core

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Amy Winehouse was busted yesterday for possession of a quarter of an ounce of pot. The rest of the world was floored when they found out the singer was a pot smoker. While the singer has recently lost a dramatic amount of weight, family and friends chalked it up to a simple case of bulimia and gave her laxatives to help her cut pounds. “In Hollywood, you have to be thin,” said Winehouse’s mother. “But marijuana? That’s just unacceptable.” Head of the DEA, Doug Smith also commented on the situation, “Thank God we busted Winehouse for this quarter of pot. We really feel like we’ve made a difference out there. Every drug cartel should feel the rippling effects of this take down.”

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Read more about Amy Winehouse and her breasts

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David Copperfield: magically arrested!

Real handcuffs make escape more difficult

 

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David Copperfield is being investigated by authorities for what was at first an unknown crime. Officer Mike McClure and his team raided a warehouse in Las Vegas owned by Copperfield. There they confiscated a computer hard drive, a digital camera system, and $2 million in cash. The press was not allowed on the scene, however, we have for you a transcribed version of the recording from the police radio:

Officer McClure: This has gone on long enough. We should have known better than to trust a musician!

Copperfield:Musician!? I’m no musician. I’m David Copperfield, Las Vegas’ most famous drug dealer–No! Magician! I’m a magician!

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Rick Solomon + poker = Pam Anderson!

Pamela wears a 400 carat plastic ring on her head

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Pamela Anderson says that gambling had a heavy hand in her relationship with Rick Solomon.  After losing $250,000 to Solomon in a poker game, Pamela was freed from her debt when her husband to be said he’d take a kiss instead.  The rest is right out of a fairy tale.  A very sexy fair tale.  “I’ve been plotting and scheming for the past 15 years, and I finally got the girl,” Solomon tells OK! magazine.  “I’ve always been trying to get Pam, even through my relationships with Shannon Doherty, Drew Barrymore, Paris Hilton, and that one time with the sheep.  She’s always been the one.”

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Read more about Pam and Rick:  Sex tapes 101

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Tiger Woods loves Gatorade (because he’s paid to)

Tiger Woods is richer.  And tastes great too!

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Tiger woods has landed a $100 million endorsement deal with Gatorade.  For the next five years, Tiger woods will be the face of Gatorade ‘Tiger.’  While no one is winning any awards for creativity as far as the name goes, the television spots are sure to garner attention.  Continuing with the “Is It In You?” campaign, Tiger will be sweating and bleeding the color of his namesake Gatorade.  When asked what color his blood is going to be, Tiger responded angrily, “God!  What is it with you people?  I’m multi-racial! …Oh.  Wait.  Uh, blue I think.”

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Also read about Paris Hilton’s new TV show 

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