While the world explodes over Jamie Lynn Spears’ reported pregnancy, Lights Camera Caption has received exclusive information on the pregnancy scandal. The 16-year-old Zoey 101 star is not acutally pregnant. A phone message from Britney Spears to her younger sister was stumbled upon thanks to an illegal phone tapping and a little bribe money [all falling within normal work practices for the FBI].
Jamie Lynn and Britney have conspired to steal back Britney’s children from Kevin Federline. Through an experimental operation, Britney has arranged for Jamie Lynn to smuggle Sean Preston and Jayden James via her own vajayjay. They’re calling it reverse birth. Sort of like breast implants but much more natural! But unfortunately much less sexy.
The new Spice Girls album will not be available through traditional retail outlets. If you want to get your hands on their new release, you’ll have to go shopping at your local Vicoria’s Secret. This sends a clear message to the public about who the Spice Girls’ target demographic is and is not. Clearly they aren’t expecting men or Britney Spears to buy their album since neither wears women’s underwear. Ever.
Britney Spears has recently expressed concern that she faces the same destiny as Princess Diana. She has filled one room of her house with photos, books, and other memorabilia of the late princess of Wales. Britney has been spotted carrying a doll bearing a resemblance to Diana, and, according to one source, talks to it and asks it for advice.
Britney has many things in common with Princess Diana. Both were philanthropists with hearts of gold, both were wonderful with children, and both Britney and the beloved princess had their kooch photo documented more than a porn star.
Read more about pink-eye: Pink Eye For Diddy
When polled about the new Britney Spears album, Lights Camera Caption readers were given the options of: a)Love it; b)Hate it; or c)God, if I read one more thing about Britney Spears, I’m going to go postal. We at LCC vote (c), but wanted you to be able to laugh with us at Britney’s feathery hip warmers.
Now for an album cover better than Blackout:
Read about something not concerning Britney: Ben Affleck’s Embarrassing Tattoos
It has been confirmed by her record label that Britney Spears’ album Blackout will be released October 29th instead of November 12th. Many are pointing out the irony behind the album title considering Britney’s questionable sobriety. However, many other albums have thrived with similar titles:
Read more about Britney: The new music video
Recently, Fox News played a portion of Chris Crocker’s eccentric defense of Britney Spears during which they questioned his gender and even compared him to Bin Laden. The station has consistently provided a conservative slant on the news, and this criticism of Crocker has only infuriated many gay rights supporters. Fox News anchor Chris Wallace said in response, “I don’t hate gay people. I am fine with gay people. In fact, as an apology I’m willing to send Mr. Crocker on vacation to a tropical island. An island far, far away.”
Read more about: Crazy Chris Crocker with Alexis Arquette
Britney Spears has missed her first supervised visitation with her kids which was scheduled yesterday at 10:00am. Apparently the intercom buzzer was broken on the front gate of her home, which kept her from being alerted of their arrival. However, an anonymous source claims that the gate buzzer wasn’t broken, and that Britney wanted to sleep in so she kept hitting the snooze button.
Read more about: Ashton and Demi’s Nude Photo Extravaganza