Unfortunately The Philanthropist, Paris Hilton’s reality show located in Rwanda, has been postponed. The foundation which was to fund the trip, Playing for Good, is supposedly restructuring. However an insider with the foundation reports exclusively to Lights Camera Caption that they postponed the trip after a preperatory meeting with Hilton. “We showed her some photos of Rwanda, and I swear to God, the first photo she saw of a little Rwandan boy, she said in that really throaty way, ‘Ew.'”
The foundation also decided they wanted a representative who was less interested in rape and bondage:
Paris in Repo! The Genetic Opera
She has much to offer starving children
In November, Paris Hilton will be leaving the country. But don’t get your celebrity-obsessed panties in a wad just yet, the camera crews are following her around. Again. Paris tells the press that she is a new woman after her life changing stint in jail and wants to give back by spending time in Rwanda. The reality show chronicling her journey through Africa is tentatively titled “The Philanthropist.” In other news, God is laughing from on high.
Hugh Hefner had experimental surgery last week to ensure his body could keep up with his world-record-setting libido. Doctors injected a special compound into Hefner’s penis which will allow for his member to remain erect constantly. Seen here, Paris Hilton is secretly being poked by the original Playboy. Hefner commented, “Who would have ever thought medicine would have come so far? When I was young, the only sexual enhancements for men were roofies.”
Read more about erect penises: Rick Solomon teaches ‘Sex Tapes 101’
Read more about people who have been slipped roofies: Jennifer Lopez knocked up!
Paris Hilton was the guest of dishonor on last Friday’s Late Show with David Letterman. Many have already read how Letterman verbally bashed Hilton and incessantly asked embarrassing questions about her jail time. What many don’t know is that after going to commercial at the end of the interview, Letterman actually socked her in her dirty, criminal mouth. As fate would have it the entire audience rushed the stage and pummeled the 95 lb. Hilton until she was unrecognizable. Here is a picture taken after the crowd was pacified:
Seen here: Paris Hilton beaten into Nick Nolte.
Read about: Hannah Montana–First Preggers, Now This?
Read more about celebrities getting thrashed: Danny Bonaduce
Also read about other celebs with famous mug shots: Lindsay Lohan
In an attempt to regain public acceptance, Paris has formed an alliance with the animal-friendly PETA. She was so thrilled about doing something good for the world (as opposed to raping it for all it’s worth), that she started adopting feral animals. Seen here, Paris finds a new pet. Onlookers said Paris jumped out of her limo, ran over to the rodent, and immediately picked it up to kiss it. Said Gordon Firth, a local bum, “I didnt’ have the heart to tell her it had just been eating all types of rotten meat, stuff even I won’t eat,” referencing the garbage containers in the background of the picture.
Read about a real PETA member: Pamela Anderson
Now that you’ve read about someone you wish would be shot, read about someone who really has been: 50 Cent