While the world explodes over Jamie Lynn Spears’ reported pregnancy, Lights Camera Caption has received exclusive information on the pregnancy scandal. The 16-year-old Zoey 101 star is not acutally pregnant. A phone message from Britney Spears to her younger sister was stumbled upon thanks to an illegal phone tapping and a little bribe money [all falling within normal work practices for the FBI].
Jamie Lynn and Britney have conspired to steal back Britney’s children from Kevin Federline. Through an experimental operation, Britney has arranged for Jamie Lynn to smuggle Sean Preston and Jayden James via her own vajayjay. They’re calling it reverse birth. Sort of like breast implants but much more natural! But unfortunately much less sexy.
Christina Aguilera’s doctors have ordered her not to sing for the extent of her pregnancy. Dr. Isaac Murphy said in a press release: “Ms. Aguilera’s diaphragm is too powerful of a tool to be using during such a critical period for her fetus. The child could be crushed during the high notes of Ain’t No Other Man, and considering the way the baby is positioned in the womb, the fetus’ face is at a high risk of being deformed. However, with the genetic traits from her husband, the child will probably have the weakest chin I’ve ever seen.”
Read more about pregnant stars: Jennifer Lopez
Sources have confirmed that Jennifer Lopez is pregnant. This is not a surprise for many since she has been showing a visible bump for weeks now. However there were two unexpected pieces of the puzzle that fell into place with this announcement. First, Lopez revealed that she and Mark Anthony are having twins! Second, she confirmed that they would in fact be rat babies.
Read more about rat babies: Paris Hilton Verbally Punched (also literally)
Read more about regular babies: Jolie-Pitt and their brood
Read more about pregnancy scares: Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus